Red Velvet Cupcakes: The Apple of my Eve

And now it’s time for a little Red Velvet interlude in the Athena Project.  Sit down, boys and girls, and let Athena Jess tell you a little story about the dawn of man. 

What if history got it all wrong…what if the “forbidden fruit” of biblical times was not actually an apple, but instead consisted of red velvet cupcakes hanging from a tree (hey, God is all-powerful – He could totally have made that).  I mean, really…Adam and Eve are young and in love and after lots of garden-cavorting and fun naked time, who wants an apple?!  Some brie, maybe a little wine and dark chocolate…a ciggie…but not apples!  It just doesn’t make SENSE. 

So God has done his thing and Adam and Eve are garden-cavorting around Eden, when they come across the Red Velvet Cupcake Tree.

They stop.  Adam flinches as he sees the crazed look in Eve’s eyes.

Adam, being a man, is all concerned that his woman (the ONLY woman, mind you) might be letting herself go lately.  So he attempts to step in, as tactfully as he can, knowing that Eve is already sensitive since that time he suggested that “maybe we should start taking some long evening walks together, Honey?”

But Eve is PMS-ing and is also under the illusion that she can probably just eat one and be satisfied.  Adam is not so sure – he’s seen Eve tear through a loaf of bread before.  Quite frankly, it scared him a little.

(Photoshop Credit: My brother!)

Adam: “Uh, Eve, baby,” he gulps, treading cautiously. “Don’t you think we could see if there are some healthier options around?  I hear there’s an apple tree somewhere nearby.”

Eve: ”Listen, buddy,” she growls, as she yanks one off the tree. “You can either share this with me or not…but I’m eating it.”

Now Adam is no dummy (after all, he was created in God’s image…or was that Jesus…hmmm…Wikipedia time).  Anyway, Adam sees that this is only heading to no “snuggle-time” later AND no cupcake, so he decides to split it with her. 

Eve takes the bigger half. 

And the rest is history…The shame of that cupcake forced us to cover up our bodies and women everywhere were condemned to a life of hormone-fueled carb obsession. 

And that is the story of Adam and Eve as told by Athena Jess.